Friday, December 16, 2005

Lobotomies and Stuff

So I have become mildly obsessed with a radio piece I heard on NPR, Howard Dully's My Lobotomy. If you haven't heard it...

maybe you can get it there. I don't think that is a link-- that seems like it would require some kind of real knowledge of computer stuff. Maybe I will ask or look it up....

Anyway, it has made me start thinking about putting together a piece. But I'm not sure what the "deal" would be. I have some ideas. I don't want it to be a one-person historical thing. I need to do some more reading to see what starts to emerge for me as the important element. Just listening to the piece (and one interview on NPR) a lot of ideas jump. Our need to be normal, or right, and the lengths we will go to to achieve "normalcy." Or the hideous practices allowed under the title "medicine." It also kind of leads into a thought that has been tickling me lately about how we can maim someone just by loving them. That if "love trumps all" (thank you Charles L. Mee) why does it sometimes create monsters, or just damaged people.

I have no form, no anything really except this tickle, this itch. Something is there and even with my lack of diligence it continues. I need to work on it.

I WILL listen to My Lobotomy at least 3 times over my time at "home."
I WILL find a book to read on lobotomies and/or the mad doctor.
I WILL start to get ideas on paper.

So, brief side note on this not-so-big big moment... I often make goals, I not-so-often meet them. So there.

Christmas Rant

Long time no post. I guess you aren't really attempting to blog unless you actually blog. So...

I have just spent the last hour trying to put into my words a Christmas Wish. The goal was create a really clear, nonjudgemental, nonemotional request of my family to reconcile. It has been over a year since my brother spoke to my parents and almost as much since my sister last spoke to them. I won't get into the gory details-- of which I can't even really trace. I just know that the thought of two separate Christmas's-- one with sis, sis, (hopefully) bro, and my truly adorable nephew; and one with mom, dad, sis, and granny-- makes me want to either throw up or throw things.

I have a nearly obsessive need to fix this situation. I am an obsessive fixer of relationships-- sometimes when they aren't even broken. This one is broken however. And I can't do anything. I guess the fact is that it isn't my responsiblity-- even if I could pick all of them and put them in a room, I couldn't make them speak. And even if I did have cattle prods, I couldn't bring about a real reconciliation. So why do I continue to try? Why? Why? Why? And even more embarassingly... why do I only try when I am going to visit "home"?