Friday, December 16, 2005

Christmas Rant

Long time no post. I guess you aren't really attempting to blog unless you actually blog. So...

I have just spent the last hour trying to put into my words a Christmas Wish. The goal was create a really clear, nonjudgemental, nonemotional request of my family to reconcile. It has been over a year since my brother spoke to my parents and almost as much since my sister last spoke to them. I won't get into the gory details-- of which I can't even really trace. I just know that the thought of two separate Christmas's-- one with sis, sis, (hopefully) bro, and my truly adorable nephew; and one with mom, dad, sis, and granny-- makes me want to either throw up or throw things.

I have a nearly obsessive need to fix this situation. I am an obsessive fixer of relationships-- sometimes when they aren't even broken. This one is broken however. And I can't do anything. I guess the fact is that it isn't my responsiblity-- even if I could pick all of them and put them in a room, I couldn't make them speak. And even if I did have cattle prods, I couldn't bring about a real reconciliation. So why do I continue to try? Why? Why? Why? And even more embarassingly... why do I only try when I am going to visit "home"?


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